Monday, October 25, 2010

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Last Wednesday I had an appointment at my OB.  Adam came to every single appointment while I was pregnant with Haven but was unable to come to this appointment because of a meeting and due to a super busy week, I didn't want to reschedule.  So, I decided I could go on my own.  Well, of course, the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat.  As I was laying there I told myself not to panic because it is not uncommon to not be able to find the heartbeat early in pregnancy and that I definitely still felt pregnant considering I had vomited right before leaving the house for the appointment.  BUT, the fear of having another miscarriage overwhelmed me.  I prayed for the Lord to calm my nerves and give me peace while I waited in the lobby for them to call me back for an ultrasound.

I called Adam and he decided he wanted to be there 1)for in case something was wrong and 2)to get to see the baby in the ultrasound.  I was so thankful that he was willing to come.  Well of course, as soon as I get off the phone the ultrasound tech called me back.  I asked if I could wait 5 minutes b/c my husband was on the way (his office is less than a mile from our OB) but she explained that they couldn't wait.  Of course then I completely lost all of the peace I was feeling in the lobby and started panicking that something would be wrong and Adam wouldn't be there.  I started crying and the poor lady didn't know what to do.  I told her it was fine and that she could just go ahead.  Immediately I saw the baby and the heartbeat.  We had already had an ultrasound at 9 weeks and I was completely amazed that at 13 weeks, only 4 short weeks later, the baby no longer looked like a blob but like, well, a baby.  I could see it's profile and arms and legs moving all over.  The tech said that they probably couldn't find the heartbeat b/c the baby was wild and moving all over!  So then I started balling even harder because I was so thankful and in awe of the Lord and His perfect plan and design.  I think the tech thought I was crazy!  Plus, Adam walked in the room as I was balling and I am sure that he thought something was wrong which I quickly assured him that everything was fine.  I was so emotional that I couldn't stop crying all the way home.  I completely fell in love with my baby at that moment!

I think that I am even more emotional and excited during this pregnancy because I know what motherly love is and feels like.  I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms and to have that special kind of love for the baby that only a mother can have for her child. 

Thank you Lord for the blessing of life and specifically the blessing of this life that I am carrying.  Thank you for the peace and refuge I can find in you if I allow myself and thank you for your perfect plan for my life and for my child!

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:13-16

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Pregnancy Brain = Thankfulness?

I suffer severely from pregnancy brain.  I seriously have issues.  I know that "pregnancy brain" is a proven fact...something about the brain actually shrinking during pregnancy or something like that (don't quote me here).  So not only is my brain smaller but I am also extremely exhausted and feel on the verge of puking most of the time.  Now, I don't say this to complain.  I am actually saying this because my "pregnancy brain" along with all of my other first trimester symptoms have brought me to be one very important thing....THANKFUL! 

Here is what I am thankful for during this time.

1.  First of all I am thankful thankful thankful for my husband!  He is so amazing.  Last night he cleaned up the whole house, did laundry, paid the bills, etc all without my knowledge or me asking for help.  He has many times made meals when my stomach can't handle it.  He has shown my affection and care when I am probably least approachable.  The Lord really blessed me with this guy!

2.  I am very thankful for my mom who has been a huge help as well.  She helped me make 15 freezer meals in anticipation of me getting morning sickness.  She helps constantly with Haven.  She has helped me with other "projects" that I get myself into and don't have the brain power to complete on my own.  She's great.

3.  I am thankful for my spunky daughter who definitely keeps me on my toes but also has shown me so much grace (in her 2 year old kind of way) and even affection when I haven't felt well and haven't been able to function as her mommy normally would.

4.  I am thankful for friends that have helped me out in various ways...sometimes just a reassuring phone call, sometimes helping with Haven, sometimes prayers.

5.  Finally I am thankful for the Lord who puts up with me and looks at me no differently no matter what state I'm in, what I look like, how I perform, etc.  He extends unending grace to me and is my refuge in this time of my "lame" suffering.  How much more did He suffer while on earth and by taking on the sin of the world?

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18